Time for Change.

I've decided its to much I cant handle the guilt,  I have for saving myself instead of a fellow solider, especially one like Kiowa. Its time to end my pointless life, all everyone talks about or remembers me from is my reward my metals I want people to think of me like they did Kiowa. That will never happen. My fellow soliders after the death of Kiowa dont respect me my family and townspeople dont truly respect me, I dont even respect myself. Its time to end and make everyone realize they were right from the beginning.

Jumping to the Aftermath.

I'm now out of the war, im home driving around the lake time n time again. I keep thinking about the day that Kiowa died if it was really my fault if it was how big of a coward I am. Should I tell my father that is so proud of me for bringing many medals home, he would probably tell me its okay because look at all of the other things I have accomplished. I somehow don't feel proud of myself I feel like I have put my gaurd down I should be the dead one, Kiowa should be the one being able to go home with his family they respect him for who he is not for what he was rewarded. I just really dont know what to do with myself, should I crash this car should I be proud of myself even though ive ended someone elses. ??

Very Very Upset.

Right now, we just got to camp and we cant smell anything but this rotten fish smell. Were all very happy to get to a new campground except me I just feel so worthless all the time. We just got informed the nasty smell is the sewage feild. We all got settled down, then all of a sudden we heard fires, and then heard kiowa yell in pain. I ran to see what had happened he was sinking in the "poop" and I tried and tried to pull him out but in order to  save myself I let him go or we would have both died. I wish it was him rather then me everyone loved kiowa he was well respected. I was a Coward, and I wanted to talk to someone about this horrible feeling inside of me but I had no one to talk to me I feel like everyone is mad at me and wishes it was me instead of kiowa. I dont know what to do now.