Jumping to the Aftermath.

I'm now out of the war, im home driving around the lake time n time again. I keep thinking about the day that Kiowa died if it was really my fault if it was how big of a coward I am. Should I tell my father that is so proud of me for bringing many medals home, he would probably tell me its okay because look at all of the other things I have accomplished. I somehow don't feel proud of myself I feel like I have put my gaurd down I should be the dead one, Kiowa should be the one being able to go home with his family they respect him for who he is not for what he was rewarded. I just really dont know what to do with myself, should I crash this car should I be proud of myself even though ive ended someone elses. ??